Well, writers, being writers…. SOME of them told me straight out, “Not going to happen.” One did the assignment twice— once wrong, once right. Such an overachiver! Others, did what most writers do, ignored the damn directions and forged ahead. I love that.

Here are the first 10 writers brave enough to say YES, without even seeing the questions. Oh, so, so brave. Seriously.

Pour yourself a cold drink, or a hot mug of java and read on:

 THE QUICK FIRE: May 2012

10 questions for 10 writers… to answer in 10 words, or less

 Sarah Normandie

1. You’re at the beach and get a fantastic idea for a story/character/scene. What do you do?

Type it into my i-phone or find a napkin, quick.

2.  I want to buy you a drink. You can have whatever you want. What do you order, and where are we?

Large Hazelnut Coffee, milk only, Dunkin Donuts.

3.  For you to make the NYT Bestsellers list, someone on it has to die. Who is it and why?

Ah..no one. I’ll write my way on the list.

4.  Open your WIP and do a find search for these words: just, really, shit, later, love. List many times each appear, and how many words are in WIP at the moment you counted.

Just: 310

Really:73

Shit: 40

Later:21

Love: 49

Total words: 86,862

5.  Forget about writing for a minute. If you weren’t doing this, what would you be doing, in your real world?  Now, pretend you have all the education and money you’d ever need for any job, anywhere… now what would you be doing?

Real: Law student, wife, mom.  Pretend: Published Author, wife, mom.

6.  Have you ever stalked an author? Who and where?

Authors? No. Agents? Yes. But only if Facebook stalking counts…

7.   List ten things on or around your writing space.

1.      MacBook Pro

2.      Popcorn

3.      Tea

4.      Novel notes

5.      i-phone

6.      Family pics

7.      Spiderman comic

8.      Chocolate

9.      Keurig

10  My children’s artwork.

8.  Write your life’s story—so far—in ten words.

Survived childhood. Found love, had babies, worked hard, conquered death.

9.  A famous NYC deli is naming a sandwich after you, what’s it called and what’s in it?

The Normandie: Corn beef on rye, honey mustard and coleslaw.

10.  A young writer approaches you and asks you to read their work and give an honest critique. It sucks. What do you say?

I hand over a copy of John Truby’s Anatomy of Story and say, “Read it”.  Whoops. That was over ten words. J

You can stalk Sarah Normandie here or here.

Cat Sparks

1. You’re at the beach and get a fantastic idea for a story/character/scene. What do you do?

Note dot points in the sand with shells

2.  I want to buy you a drink. You can have whatever you want. What do you order, and where are we?

Pineapple daiquiri, somewhere just off the Amalfi Coast.

3.  For you to make the NYT Bestsellers list, someone on it has to die. Who is it and why?

Not fussy. Agents hire hitmen for their authors, yeah?

4.  Open your WIP and do a find search for these words: just, really, shit, later, love. List many times each appear, and how many words are in WIP at the moment you counted.

Just: 159

Really: 35

Shit: 3

Later: 22

Love: 7

98, 684 words in total

5.  Forget about writing for a minute. If you weren’t doing this, what would you be doing, in your real world ?  Now, pretend you have all the education and money you’d ever need for any job, anywhere… now what would you be doing?

Chasing pyroclastic flows down the sides of erupting volcanoes.  Obviously.

6.  Have you ever stalked an author? Who and where?

Not yet but Michael Marshall is high on my list

7.   List ten things on or around your writing space.

Pen-filled coffee mug that says trailer trash, plastic replica Gulf Breeze UFO, plushie Moomin, small ceramic TARDIS, a pile of CDs that oughta be somewhere else, a cunning beaded nudibranch hand-crafted by Vonda McIntyre, orange Halloween coffee cup containing actual coffee dregs, my Kindle, note paper covered in biscuit crumbs and one of my cats — Nemo, the mean one.

8. Write your life’s story—so far—in ten words.

Decades of keeping my eyes on the prize

9. A famous NYC deli is naming a sandwich after you, what’s called and what’s in it?

The apocalypse. Contains too many kalamata olives and anchovies.

10. A young writer approaches you and asks you to read their work and give an honest critique. It sucks. What do you say?

Suck it up, Princess — then get back on your horse.

Learn more about Cat Sparks here or follow her on Twitter @catsparx

Elizabeth Seckman

1. You’re at the beach and get a fantastic idea for a story/character/scene. What do you do?

Write it down later. I don’t leave the beach for anything but rain, sunburn, or hunger.

2.  I want to buy you a drink. You can have whatever you want. What do you order, and where are we?

At the beach side bar, I want a drink with a tiny umbrella; then when drunk enough, I can do my rendition of “Singing in the Rain”. You’ll love it! Even if I do only know the chorus.

3.  For you to make the NYT Bestsellers list, someone on it has to die. Who is it and why?

(Oh man, talk about trying to ruin my freaking karma!) Fine, Norah Roberts. She’s hogging all the romance slots and I want one!

4.  Open your WIP and do a find search for these words: just, really, shit, later, love. List many times each appear, and how many words are in WIP at the moment you counted.

Just- 355; really-67; shit-9; later-13; love-164. I must just love just more than just shit and love! (total word count: 73,402)

5.  Forget about writing for a minute. If you weren’t doing this, what would you be doing, in your real world ?  Now, pretend you have all the education and money you’d ever need for any job, anywhere… now what would you be doing?

I’d be a therapist. I love hearing people’s dirt first hand!

6.  Have you ever stalked an author? Who and where?

Not really. I have a healthy respect for many writers (like yourself) but I like my privacy and figure they do too.

7.   List ten things on or around your writing space.

Scratch paper; tea cup; mouse; phone; pens; a penguin; a Barbie doll; candles; my faithful mutts; and my iPod.

8.  Write your life’s story—so far—in ten words.

I was born, grew up, got married, and had kids.

9.  A famous NYC deli is naming a sandwich after you, what’s it called and what’s in it?

De-Liz-iousness. It’d be a turkey, loaded with veggies and mustard.

10.  A young writer approaches you and asks you to read their work and give an honest critique. It sucks. What do you say?

Great books aren’t written, they’re rewritten…that’s a reality all writers have to accept.

Send Elizabeth limericks here: or here

Patti Callahan Henry 

1.    You’re at the beach and get a fantastic idea for a story/character/scene. What do you do?

Smile and take another sip of a cold beverage, grateful that stories and imaginary people visit me inside my head. I’ll write about them when I get back to pen or computer.

2.    I want to buy you a drink. You can have whatever you want. What do you order, and where are we?

We are at a pool, those invisible horizon ones, that flow into an azure sea and you have just come back from the bar with a cold Mojito, dripping with fresh mint and sugar on the rim.

3.    For you to make the NYT Bestsellers list, someone on it has to die. Who is it and why?

No way I’m answering this. No way. I believe too much in the power of words.

4.    Open your WIP and do a find search for these words: just, really, shit, later, love. List many times each appear, and how many words are in WIP at the moment you counted.

Great question because I handed in my WIP two days ago, so it is sitting fresh and real on my computer. It is a 300 page manuscript titled FIRST THINGS. And damn, here are the results:

Just – 24. And I removed 18 of them thanks to this crazy question.

Shit – 4. And all spoken.

Really – 48 (Like totally, really, oh my God) and mostly in conversation, not in exposition.

Later – 29

Love – 152. Wow. Maybe I should do something about that. Or maybe that is what my books are all about…..

5.    Forget about writing for a minute. If you weren’t doing this, what would you be doing, in your real world ?  Now, pretend you have all the education and money you’d ever need for any job, anywhere… now what would you be doing?

This might be where my imagination ends because every time I try to figure out something else to do or somewhere else to go, I end up back on the doorstep of the writing world. A million kinds of writing worlds, but the writing world none the less.

6.  Have you ever stalked an author? Who and where?

I’m not sure if this counts as stalking, but I was obsessed with her work. When I was in college, I was an avid, ridiculous Anne Rivers Siddons fan. I drove into Atlanta one afternoon to get her signature on a novel. I waited in an hour-long line and when I reached the table, I stuttered and asked her a question.  Her husband answered. I was sorely disappointed.

But honestly, I do a little bit stalk Vince Gill. I even have a picture with him, and it’s hanging in my writing space right now.

7. List ten things on or around your writing space.

I’m sitting in my writing space so here goes – random things – a feather I found on a walk in South Carolina; a candle; my journal (a black unlined art book); a hot cup of coffee; a speech I’m working on; photos of my kids at various stages in various forms; a painting on wood by a friend; photo of a dock, snapped during a break in a rainstorm on my birthday (by my dear friend); angel wings made of silver fabric from a flea market in Paris (but purchased in Alabama). And of course books (tons and tons, but counts as one thing, right?).

8. Write your life’s story—so far—in ten words.

Fell in love with reading, stories, words. Became obsessed. Wrote.

9. A famous NYC deli is naming a sandwich after you, what’s it called and what’s in it?

The PCH. Sourdough bread. Grilled vegetables and melted sharp cheddar cheese.

Spicy mustard. Vinegar and salt potato chips on the side, which you can put inside the sandwich if you so desire.

OR alternately Angel Food cake slices as bread.  Raspberries, whipped cream and melted chocolate inside. That’s a sandwich right?

10.  A young writer approaches you and asks you to read their work and give an honest critique. It sucks. What do you say?

“Oh, it took me so very long to find my voice. In fact, I’m still finding my voice and learning something new every single day. If you are obsessed with stories and the written word, don’t give up.”

Tell Patti how you feel here. Buy all her books here or at your favorite bookstore. Just buy them, then lend them to a stranger.

 Joe Schwartz

1. You’re at the beach and get a fantastic idea for a story/character/scene. What do you do?
Repeat it to myself until I can write it down.

2.  I want to buy you a drink. You can have whatever you want. What do you order, and where are we?
A Shirley Temple at the Golden Nugget.

3.  For you to make the NYT Bestsellers list, someone on it has to die. Who is it and why?

Rush Limbaugh. He is a despicable piece of shit.

4.  Open your WIP and do a find search for these words: just, really, shit, later, love. List many times each appear, and how many words are in WIP at the moment you counted.

Just – 4
Really – 1
Shit – 1 (yes, this surprised me as well)
Later – 1
Love – 9 (in all fairness, it is a love triangle)

5.  Forget about writing for a minute. If you weren’t doing this, what would you be doing, in your real world ?  Now, pretend you have all the education and money you’d ever need for any job, anywhere… now what would you be doing?

I would be a lawyer in the DA’s office.

6.  Have you ever stalked an author? Who and where?

No, but I send emails to my favorites.

7.   List ten things on or around your writing space.

MP3 player, coffee cup, picture frames, headphones, bills, lighters, ref books, movies that I will probably sell to the pawn shop, laptop, and some assorted pens. 

8.  Write your life’s story—so far—in ten words.

Joe is a failure to himself, a success to others.

9.  A famous NYC deli is naming a sandwich after you, what’s it called and what’s in it?

‘The Angry’ A tuna-fish on pumpernickel with hot peppers.

10.  A young writer approaches you and asks you to read their work and give an honest critique. It sucks. What do you say?

You need to keep writing or you’ll always be awful.

Check out Joe’s short story collections on Amazon and Smashwords, or download for free here and here.

 Eric Sasson

1. You’re at the beach and get a fantastic idea for a story/character/scene. What do you do?

I take out my iPhone, open Evernote and write the idea down.

2.  I want to buy you a drink. You can have whatever you want. What do you order, and where are we?

We’re in Cuba and you buy me a Negroni. Or San Sebastian and you buy me a glass of Txakoli. Or New Orleans, where you have no choice but to buy me a hurricane.

3.  For you to make the NYT Bestsellers list, someone on it has to die. Who is it and why?

Only one person? Damn. Rush Limbaugh? Ann Coulter? or I  could just be safe and pick someone already dead, like Michael Crichton. Who wrote the DaVinci Code? Is he alive? Let’s kill him

4.  Open your WIP and do a find search for these words: just, really, shit, later, love. List many times each appear, and how many words are in WIP at the moment you counted.

I wish I had a WIP right now. But lately all I have time for is publicity for my forthcoming book, MARGINS OF TOLERANCE, available May 30th at my website (ericsassonnow.com) or Amazon or an independent or not-so independent bookstore near you!

Still, in my hypothetical WIP, just and really would make too many appearances until I cut almost all of them out later. Shit depends on the piece. Later is sort of arbitrary; I don’t think later tells you much about the piece. Love? Oh love is always there, even if it’s not stated…

5.  Forget about writing for a minute. If you weren’t doing this, what would you be doing, in your real world ?  Now, pretend you have all the education and money you’d ever need for any job, anywhere… now what would you be doing?

This isn’t an easy question. If I had all the money I’d ever need, I highly doubt I’d be working at all. I’d just travel and soak up culture everywhere. Until that got boring, and then I’d probably find a good cause–likely something to do with the environment–and hopefully set up a fund and effect positive change in the world. But if I have to make money, then I’d probably want to be a life coach or a massage therapist or a renown yoga instructor, which is to say, I’d want to have a job where I make people feel really good about themselves but also pays well.

6.  Have you ever stalked an author? Who and where?

I haven’t stalked any authors but I would stalk James Franco, not because he’s an author (not really) but because he’s super cute, and I have the same taste in men as most women half my age, which is going to be a problem when I’m 60. Or maybe not.

7.   List ten things on or around your writing space.

Laptop. External hard drive(s). Printer. Bookcases with books. iPhone. Mail. Latest issue of Poets and Writers. Promotional swag for my book. Family photos. Dildo (KIDDING! My workspace is boring just thought I’d spice things up.)

8.  Write your life’s story—so far—in ten words.

Went there. Did that. Wrote about it. Revised it. Sent it out. Prayed. (13 words, because I always overwrite.)

9.  A famous NYC deli is naming a sandwich after you, what’s called and what’s in it?

The Sassy. Pastrami on homemade fennel-raisin bread with a spicy sweet mustard and a big sour pickle on the side.

10.  A young writer approaches you and asks you to read their work and give an honest critique. It sucks. What do you say?

I tell him or her that as writers we are always learning and that by just committing words to a page and putting it out there in the world, even to just one person, he/she has done something courageous and wonderful. I then find the best elements in that work and praise that as much as I can before I explain what might need some more work, focusing on just a couple of things so as not to overwhelm him/her with criticism.

 Pre-order Eric’s collection of short stories here. NOW.  Also, you can connect with him on Facebook here.

Renae Winchester

1.      You’re at the beach and get a fantastic idea for a story/character/scene. What do you do?

Write idea in sand. Snap photo. Order another drink.

2.      I want to buy you a drink. You can have whatever you want. What do you order, and where are we?

Rum & Coke. We’re discussing story idea written in the sand.

3.      For you to make the NYT Bestsellers list, someone on it has to die. Who is it and why?

The Kardashians; because c’mon now, they’re ridiculous. 

4.      Open your WIP and do a find search for these words: just, really, shit, later, love. List many times each appear, and how many words are in WIP at the moment you counted.

Just= 50

Really=3

Shit=0

Later=11

Love=0

Word count 29,480 

5.      Forget about writing for a minute. If you weren’t doing this, what would you be doing, in your real world ? Now, pretend you have all the education and money you’d ever need for any job, anywhere… now what would you be doing?

Still working for a judge.

If I had all the money in the world, I wouldn’t be working.

6.      Have you ever stalked an author? Who and where?

Terry Kay. He expects me and saves me a seat.

7.      List ten things on or around your writing space.

Purple Beanie Baby (why, I have no idea)

Jar of loose change

Copy of the Atlanta Journal Constitution (stacks in the floor as well)

Fingernail clippers

Pocketknife

Plato’s Closet frequent shopper card

Watch

Appointment book

Three packets of  tomato seeds from Botanical Interests

Rick Bragg’s All over but the Shoutin’

8.      Write your life’s story—so far—in ten words.

Small-town gal living the dream in the big city.

9.      A famous NYC deli is naming a sandwich after you, what’s called and what’s in it?

Zippy Long stocking. Fried bologna, Cheese, Mayo, Mustard, Pickled Okra on the side 

10.  A young writer approaches you and asks you to read their work and give an honest critique. It sucks. What do you say?

For the love of humanity, hire an editor.

Connect with Renae here, or here and on Facebook and Twitter @Reneawinchester

Jemmy Farmer

1. You’re at the beach and get a fantastic idea for a story/character/scene. What do you do?

Sketch with few bubble notes

2.  I want to buy you a drink. You can have whatever you want. What do you order, and where are we?

Double shot espresso in the Coffee house, Hay on Wye

3.  For you to make the NYT Bestsellers list, someone on it has to die. Who is it and why?

Harry Potter, he’s so irritating

4.  Open your WIP and do a find search for these words: just, really, shit, later, love. List many times each appear, and how many words are in WIP at the moment you counted. 

Just 0

Really 14

Shit 35 ( crap need edit)

Later 0

Love 3

8500 words

5.  Forget about writing for a minute. If you weren’t doing this, what would you be doing, in your real world ?  Now, pretend you have all the education and money you’d ever need for any job, anywhere… now what would you be doing?

Sort of the same except with paint.

Building my cottage in Wales just how I want it

6.  Have you ever stalked an author? Who and where?

No, so will answer who it would be. Val McDermid on set of ‘Wire in the Blood’

7.   List ten things on or around your writing space.

Radio, Lamp, Chocolate, Coffee pot, Inks, Sketch pad, Pile of research books, Taliesin the cat, Crochet basket, Picture of my girlfriend, Charlie Black perfume

8.  Write your life’s story—so far—in ten words.

Left the old closets behind for freedom and the beyond

9.  A famous NYC deli is naming a sandwich after you, what’s it called and what’s in it?

Carrion Cob. Scrapings of game meat and loads of salad 

10.  A young writer approaches you and asks you to read their work and give an honest critique. It sucks. What do you say?

Highlight the good points, then say what makes it suck.

Stalk Jemmy here: My Facebook, Tir na nog (the land of the ever young poets) or on her blog, here.

Heather Houston

1. You’re at the beach and get a fantastic idea for a story/character/scene. What do you do?

I always have a pen/pencil and one of those small notebooks shoved somewhere in a purse or bag.  I would hate to lose a thought or an epiphany because I had nothing to write with.  I didn’t always have this, one time I used eyeliner to get the bones of a thought down so that I wouldn’t forget it. Never again.

2.  I want to buy you a drink. You can have whatever you want. What do you order, and where are we?

Well, I love a well-mixed Madras.  I however will always love a good cup of tea with just a hint of cream and a touch of sweet.  Then of course, my all-time favorite, a cup of coffee.  The Madras – we would be a bar, one of the ones that is off the beaten path, the kind where they have tables that are well worn because the patrons always return there, with candles on the tops but with lighting high on the walls to not brighten up the place but merely make it so that we can see.  The coffee or tea – a coffee shop, one of the ones that is run by a family, they probably only have one or two of them in the whole town but everyone loves it and there are enough outlets that if we wanted to sit and write awhile we could.

3.  For you to make the NYT Bestsellers list, someone on it has to die. Who is it and why?

Well I looked over the list and I wavered back and forth over who to pick.  But I settled on  David Baldacci,  my reasoning is I think there are so many things that make my heart sad in the world.  There is os much violence, so much pain and I look at some of the fiction being produced and I see us feeding into it with our writing.  I believe as fiction writers we have a duty to warm the heart and soul.  I believe we are supposed to heal, with either a smile, a laugh, or a good cry because the characters triumphed in such a way that it didn’t take them killing, maiming, or destroying scores of others to do it.

4.  Open your WIP and do a find search for these words: just, really, shit, later, love. List many times each appear, and how many words are in WIP at the moment you counted.

Just 101, really 35, shit 0, later 4, love 37 – current word count 83,122

5.  Forget about writing for a minute. If you weren’t doing this, what would you be doing, in your real world ?  Now, pretend you have all the education and money you’d ever need for any job, anywhere… now what would you be doing?

I would be a Constitutional lawyer.  I love the Constitution and I think it is an amazing document.  However, my other true love is teaching overseas.  I could see myself doing that as well.  If money was no object and I could go anywhere I would travel and teach.  I would want to enrich the lives of as many children of the world as possible.

6.  Have you ever stalked an author? Who and where?

No, I follow them online and on their newsletters but I don’t stalk them.

7.   List ten things on or around your writing space.

A sign that says “boobies, who needs’em” [I am a breast cancer survivor], the house phone, my son’s toys [I think that can count as a few because they are around everywhere], A house plant, a 30 minute ‘hour glass’, a stack of super sharp pencils, a sweatshirt

8.  Write your life’s story—so far—in ten words.

A mother of an autistic boy teaching him to thrive. 

9.  A famous NYC deli is naming a sandwich after you, what’s called and what’s in it?

Spicy Rain.  Pepperoni, salami, finely shaved ham, Gruyere cheese, lettuce, cucumbers, black olives, enough pepper to make you sneeze, oil, mayo, all on ciabatta bread

10.  A young writer approaches you and asks you to read their work and give an honest critique. It sucks. What do you say?

I would ask them what their motivation behind the writing was… were they trying to write about something they knew nothing of, were they trying to write with more maturity then they have?  I believe sometimes when a writing ‘sucks’ it does so because the writer is trying to write about something they have no basis of understanding for.  I would tell them that write every day, to free write, to sit and put the piece they asked me to read away for a few months while they free write daily and then return to it.  I think they would see the difference, they would see the changes they needed.  If they were old enough I would tell them to travel, bring some pens, pencils and paper along and just go.  Our ideas come from the world… go see it.

Connect with Heather here and here.

 Candice Dyer

1. You’re at the beach and get a fantastic idea for a story/character/scene. What do you do?

Find nearest Tiki Hut with cocktail napkins.

2.  I want to buy you a drink. You can have whatever you want. What do you order, and where are we?

Illicit bathtub gin at the Algonquin.

3.  For you to make the NYT Bestsellers list, someone on it has to die. Who is it and why?

       Gun to my head – Nicholas Sparks

4.  Open your WIP and do a find search for these words: just, really, shit, later, love. List many times each appear, and how many words are in WIP at the moment you counted.

Just – 20, Really – 30, Shit – 0 (too crass; used only in conversation), love — 42

5.  Forget about writing for a minute. If you weren’t doing this, what would you be doing, in your real world ?  Now, pretend you have all the education and money you’d ever need for any job, anywhere… now what would you be doing?

        Gerontologist with old folks, or anthropologist with exotic tribe

6.  Have you ever stalked an author? Who and where?

      Erica Jong, at the Borders in Atlanta.

7.   List ten things on or around your writing space. 

        A pretty glass bluebird (a friend’s gift for happiness); dirty, lipstick-rimmed coffee mug; an “I Love You” paperweight from a beau whose name I can’t recall; John Prine CDs; bi-racial Cabbage Patch Kid; reporter notebooks with wine stains; a traffic ticket; a dozing cat; anti-aging cream; a shoe I’ve been missing; a sweaty scarf from an Elvis Tribute Artist

8.  Write your life’s story—so far—in ten words. 

Fun-loving woman scribbles some, parties more than she should

9.  A famous NYC deli is naming a sandwich after you, what’s called and what’s in it?

The Candy Moe (my cousins’ nickname for me) – fried green tomatoes, sauerkraut, and goat cheese

10.  A young writer approaches you and asks you to read their work and give an honest critique. It sucks. What do you say?

I find something to praise and offer suggestions for changes

Find Candice here: On Facebook. Read some of her articles on her website here, or find her words in a multitude of magazines like this one or this one

So, there you go. 10 reasons to have writers as friends. If you’re a writer and willing to answer 10 new questions, or if you want to know more about a particular writer/author/blogger/bathroom wall graffiti artist, drop me a line or place a comment below.  We have three set for June already.

Many thanks in advance.

( you can also get ebooks anywhere you like to connect or buy paperback from Amazon- see links in red HERE )

Writing from Philadelphia, Poe blames his friend William Ross Wallace, a poet and lawyer, for making him drink too many “juleps” and for misbehaving on a visit to New York.

“Will you be so kind enough to put the best possible interpretation upon my behaviour while in N-York?,” Poe asks New York publishers J. and Henry G. Langley. “You must have conceived a queer idea of me — but the simple truth is that Wallace would insist upon the juleps, and I knew not what I was either doing or saying.”

I am so stealing that line,
“…but the simple truth is that Wallace would insist upon the juleps, and I knew not what I was either doing or saying.”
now all I need is a friend named Wallace and a good julep recipe.

While packing for my recent writing conference in Florida, I did the three things any smart gal does: check weather.com’s extended forecast, choose the prettiest shoes, and bring lots of books. I was ready for some sunshine, as Atlanta’s teaser of Spring went from 60 degree days to 30 degree days and I hate being teased.
The conference was called Sleuthfest, sponsored by the Mystery Writers of America, the Florida Chapter and was geared to the detective/police/PI/thriller/suspense market… more suited for the novel I’m almost done with, not really the one I wanted to pitch, but the agent list was very respectable and I had at least one friendly face in Florida to look forward to seeing, an author pal who told me most of the business gets done in the bar. SO that was one thing I could look forward to. He also promised to show me this cool place. Vizcaya.
One of the statues at the entrance. Boob Anole extra.

Of course, I enjoyed the workshops, learned some new stuff, made some new friends, got the requisite author photos and signatures,
Big name to watch out for and a great guy, John Hart.
Super funny and talented Brad Meltzer, who taught me the value of giving.
did some shopping and went to the beach where we saw this guy catch a snapper, though he had no idea what kind of fish it was until someone told him.All the things you cannot do on the Pier. And now you KNOW I wanted to do them all.


Yes, it was a great trip. Fun times, good food, a bed to myself. Coupled with the fact that my reading of a chapter of We’re Not Waving, We’re Drowning was very well-received by my peers and I didn’t choke on pitch day, nabbing me two agent requests, while two others came in electronically. I also scored some points with a positive and encouraging critique of the work in progress. It’s always good to know you are on the right path.
It may have cost a bit of money, time away from the family, and the bitch of a delay getting home on blizzard day… a delay in a terminal where some guy almost died- when no one could heimlich the chicken sandwich out of his throat.
I am dead serious. That guy is going to have the sorest most bruised chest when he gets out of the hospital. Freaked me out. All I could think about was Palahniuk’s book, Choke.

When the people near me invited me to join them for dinner before we flew out, I declined saying there was no way I could eat after seeing what happened with that guy.
“Are you sure?” they asked, “We could bring you back some chicken wings.”
“Great,” I said. “Chicken bones. Thanks.”

So, to wrap it up, I’ll say this. I’m glad I went, though coming home in high-heeled sandals to snow drifts and my son’s Hooters Snow Girl was a bit unexpected.

Anyone who has spent any period of time with me knows I am stubborn- though I prefer to call it “determined.”
I knew a guy once who made his Queensland Blue Heeler attack a deflated soccer ball hanging from a tree on his farm in Southern California with a simple whistle command. That dog ran and leapt into the air, snagging the ball and clamping his jaws onto the scarred leather. His hind legs hung two feet off the ground as he spun in slow circles.
We sipped our beers and watched, waiting for him to understand his predicament and give up, until the guy said, “He’ll hang there all day. Once he’s locked onto to his prey, until it gives, he can’t open his mouth.”

I’m like that dog.
I’ve been swinging under the publication tree for seven years. It’s what I want and it’s what I’ll get. Sure, along the way there have been a fair share of hits and accomplishments for my short stories and essays, but my deflated soccer ball is the elusive book contract dangling from the branch of the perfect literary agent.
And after a few years of hearing, “It’s not for us.” and “Great writing, but…” my jaws are getting tired.
But here I am. Sending out the novel to a bulldog of an agent, another who wears pink and two secret links, continuing to hope for the best.

The good?
I will get a literary agent this year, someone I will meet at an event in Feb.
He will sell my book in or by June. It will make me money.
I will have a whirlwind year from June 09 to June 2010.
IRS problem will end in our favor.
Money will never be a problem.
Health is all good.
I married the right man.
Something to do with horses or dude ranches.. .( maybe I’ll adopt a cowboy?)
Ocean good place for me to write.
Will get a brand new house in new 1-2 years and have no problem buying it or
selling existing one.

The bad?
Brand new house not near ocean.
Someone older and sick who I am not close to ( not parents) in my family will not make it through the year.
No time to travel this summer.
My daughter will be a pain in the ass for 5 years.
My son probably won’t be a gynecologist.
My father in law really was a stubborn man with issues that never would have been resolved.
Some friendships weren’t meant to be.

Best 55 bucks I’ve ever spent.

My gift:
You can read your future too.
Go here for a Free Tarot card reading.