secret
Anastasia wants to come to America and kill somebody.
Probably her new husband.
We all get those odd spam emails from foreign countries. They want to give us money, they want us to give them money They want to be pen pals. they want to help us save money on penis enhancing pills that we don’t even take. They want us to support wars, heal the sick and generally behave as if we are much more godly than you and I know to be true.
But this morning I had to laugh- an email from foxracer yielded this information:
Hello man my new friend!
I understand, that you do …
Toilet Training for Men
That ain't no etch-a-sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet.
Since I saw the movie, JUNO, I’ve been shuffling scribbled notes around my desk, from bird to mermaid paper weights and back again.. .forgetting I could just click on the IMDb page at any time to remind myself of the great dialogue.
like:
[at Juno's ultrasound]
Leah: Whoa! Check out Baby Big Head. Dude, that thing is freaky lookin’.
Juno MacGuff: Excuse me. I am a sacred vessel, alright? All you’ve got in your stomach is Taco Bell.
Juno MacGuff: [voice over] When I see them all running like that, with their things bouncing …
Sensitive Guy- at least where skin is concerned.
Instead of enjoying a wonderful yoga session yesterday, I was sitting in a doctor’s office looking at this: One week old POISON IVY . Trust me it was uglier in person.
My son was blessed/cursed with sensitive skin. Certain fabrics give him rashes, he sunburns and freckles in minutes and has permanent tattoos where a pencil poked through his jeans pocket and jabbed him in the leg.
The boy wanted the doctor to be stymied at this ugliness of the poison ivy, he imagined it might be another HOUSE episode, but that only made Dr. George laugh. Those shows are …
Learning from the pros.
Last night, my pal Liz and I went to hear Joshilyn Jackson speak at The Margaret Mitchell House in lovely downtown Atlanta. We arrived early- in the hot car- so we could enjoy drinks and dinner at The Vortex. Liz wanted to order the Big Naked Weenie, but settled for a veggie melt. Walking in the guy at the bar tells us pointing to the TV- “Oh man, you just missed it! The longest EVER car chase in LA.”
yeah, darn.
Double darn that the MM house wasn’t open for tours. I have almost read ALL the letters Margaret’s …
If someone said they loved you when …
…you introduced them to something new, aren’t you obligated to share it ( the new thing- not the love, people) with the world?
Today I give you this- TA-DA -a way to watch brand new movies in the comfort of your own home, for free.
And because I am so not into that unconditional love crap, whatcha got for me?…
I've been TAGGED.
So, I’m supposed to tell you SEVEN THINGS.
*exhales loudly*
1. I almost got on MTV at a disco in Ibiza until I called my 42 year old friend my girlfriend.
2. I smashed my truck into a Lebaron’s front grille at the gym and didn’t tell anyone then swapped cars with my husband forever.
3. I spit into someone’s coffee when I was mad at them and it made me feel better.
4. I used to have a secret stash of money that I called my getaway fund stored next to a map of Paris.
5. In my dream …
Totally off subject and a little meandering.
You might have thought it was the dog in your bed the way the poor thing whimpered, the way his leg jerked out, then kept running as if squirrels taunted him in the forest. You may have thought the kids were geniuses the way they blurted out mathematical figures and long monologues of poetry with their eyes shut. You may have thought someone was sick, someone was lonely or someone was angry, if you came upon any of us in our sleep.
My family will never go to one of those sleep clinics. I’m afraid they’d never let us leave. …
Money- a renewal resource.
I am usually the one giving advice– wanted or not. This month I am happy to be on the receiving end, as the 2 best pieces of advice come to me:
LIVE “AS IF”
SPEND. IT’S ONLY MONEY. YOU CAN ALWAYS MAKE MORE.…
