Tag Archives: lists
I did it. I published a book.
The first e-book offering from little old me.
Yep. I did it. It wasn’t traditional. It wasn’t even my favorite book. I know, you shouldn’t say that. But I have become filterless in the last short while… beware the “f” bomb, people.
I blame it on the world. I am, like most writers filled with doubt about the publishing world- the book as we once knew it is probably changing forever. And along with that, is the way we acquire, market and buy both the author and the book.
So what’s a girl to do? Give up her dream? Stand …
The danger of using your IPOD as alarm clock.
Also Be Titles to Children’s Picture Books
Magic Bus
You Had a Bad Day
All Fall Down
Buttons
Satisfaction
Men Without Hats
I Love Baby Cheesy
Songs I Woke To Last Week That Are Oddly Prophetic
One Way Leads To Another
Red Red Wine
Holiday
Hot Child In the City
With Arms Wide Open
Ain’t Misbehavin’
Poker Face
…
A funny, from McSweeney's
What Could Have Been.
- – – -
The Life My Mother Planned for Me
A+
NYU
Ph.D.
HMO
IRA
The Life I Planned for Me
NFL
L.A.
ESPN
MVP
VIP
Double D
USA! USA! USA!
The Life I’m Living
ADD
GED
DUI
IHOP
SOB
WTF
Tenth-Graders’
Favorite Suggestive
Terms From Geometry.
sextant
strip group …
Shopping on a Limited Memory.
I am a list maker.
Not the kind of person who needs to stand up and state her case in a room of over-caffeinated nervous people wearing polyester, but the kind of person who can be found in grocery stores across the continent clutching scraps of paper: milk, juice, tampons, frozen pizza, birthday card, gyzzopft, bananas… isn’t there always ONE unintelligible thing on the list?
Did you know there is a whole website of found grocery lists?
well, there is.
and a book.
But of course. there is always a book.
Probably soon to be a movie too.
Featuring the …
More than anything else, I believe in myself.
That’s pretty much a successful life in a nutshell, isn’t it?
And a good way to share some excellent news that I have been sitting on for over a week.
I won a scholarship to a prestigious summer writers workshop in NY – I’ve been assigned to the amazing AMY HEMPEL for the small group work, and will be able to study with many of my other fav writers, like Matthew Klam, Melissa Bank, Meg Wolitzer, here’s the whole list–
| Alan Alda Melissa Bank Billy Collins E.L. Doctorow Christopher Durang Jules Feiffer Ursula Hegi Amy Hempel Kaylie Jones Matthew Klam |
…
Why I make lunches everyday.
Two Lists of Complaints. BY STUART ZEHNER
- – – -
1.
Complaints
My Middle-School Students
School’s Food.
“The rice is cold.”
“The kimchi is dry.”
2.
Complaints
American Middle-School
Students Would Have If
They Were Served
Korean Food.
“There’s an entire fish in my soup.”
“The fish in my soup still has eyes.”
“The fish in my soup with eyes is full of fish eggs.”
“What is this?”
“They made me eat off a metal tray with chopsticks.”
“I was served a vertebra.”
“This salad is clearly made from the bush in the front …
Weird things I saw while driving today.
- A white laundry basket filled with neatly folded clothes on the side of a busy highway
- A bloody sneaker
- A man dressed for church riding a red lawn mower down the center line
- 3 white BMWs on 3 separate highways with their hoods up and a man standing at the rear, waiting
- A fat older woman in a fancy red dress stumbling out of the woods then crawling up the embankment
- A tattoo-less bare-chested man on a motorcycle
- 4 cops chasing a Bassett Hound with a noose on a stick
- A black and yellow mobile check cashing van with the
…
Jobs I would not be okay doing no matter how much they paid
miner
sewer treatment rake handler
cosmetician at mortuary
Dianetics recruiter
this kind of performance artist
colonic therapist
port-a-potty pickup guy
grief counselor at plane crash site
nanny to quintuplets
submarine captain
podiatrist in third world country
porn shop clerk
the person who holds the dog being euthanized
…
